Above picture was a few years ago and I am waiting one day to go to Hawaii to see some of my family and knock it off my bucket list lol. I want to put a flower in my hair and I want to get a grass skirt and do the hula. No kidding!Been few days since I posted. I hope that means you are enjoying life no matter if it sucks like a freaking kidney stone.! Yes, I been facing that too, I believe. In the midst of other health issues and stopping some medicines and then seeing my neurosurgeon, work, school, lack of sleep, Yep! life’s been busy. And I love to be busy. Plus if I’m busy then you hear less of me hahaha That’s great too! 🙂 Keep smiling and laughing!

But guess what? There’s light at the end of the tunnel! That’s if you look at the right end AHHAHAHAHAH No really! I was losing myself some this past week. Not afraid to admit it. I was losing hope. Losing patience, faith, love and just wanted to get away from myself.

When I thought I couldn’t handle it something else happened and BAM! I made it through and I keep going. Thankful for the gospel. For friends and family who stick by me and not judge. They listen to me when I want to complain. When I want to vent. Most grateful for the power of prayer and the priesthood. For I am grateful for priesthood blessings. If you don’t know what they are, given basically from my understanding and my thoughts blessings are given from ordained priesthood men. You can seek a father blessing from your father. Sick blessings or comfort blessings from a husband, bishop, family member or friend. To me, they’re powerful and comforting words that My Heavenly Father wants me to hear at that time. Which is interpreted through the spirit and out of the mouths of whichever man.

I’m not going to say ‘Hey Babe! come give me a blessing so I don’t have to deal with life anymore’ Then my husband would give me a blessing and I’m told I can go on the beach the rest of my life lol. That’s not how it works darling!You have to have faith. You need to believe and be willing to take whatever is told to you personally and follow what you feel is needed in the blessing. You know if you’ve read the bible you hear of stories of Jesus healing the sick and making blind men see and raising from the dead. Well if you know about ‘Mormons’ as many refer to us we have the prophets restored to the earth back from when they were around when Jesus walked the earth. Men when they reach a certain year or place to be able to be ordained to hold the priesthood and carry out blessings they must continue to be worthy to do so. So basically my husband or any other man I choose Whether my dad, bishop, avaliablehome teacher or family member or friend is there and my husbaavailable. I can have them administer a blessing to me. But they must be worthy. They can’t go drink beer or gamble or commit adultery and then the next day says” sure I’ll give you a blessing.”

If that was the case I would just wait til I saw Jesus LOL. Because nothing would be right and the spirit wouldn’t dwell.It’s personal. It’s private. It’s a blessing. No, you don’t have to be a member of our church to get a blessing. You have to be a member of the church and hold the proper authority to administer. As I’m a woman I don’t hold that Authority. I’m still learning and growing in my beliefs and in life. So this is how I feel and portray and what I’ve gathered to understand. Someone may have other feelings. Either way, I know that it’s not just because of my strength and my faith that I will be healed one day. It’s because I’m willing and I’m doing all that I am suppose to be doing so that I can have help in taking the burdens I cannot keep carrying. My faith is important but you must be willing to make changes. So in order for me to receive blessings I must soften my heart. I must be of good cheer and take responsibility and do all I can. Because of the power of the priesthood, my testimony, and the spirit, then I know I will be blessed. May not happen that moment but I’m blessed. I know with this upcoming surgery and I know things took a weird turn, I will be healed in time. You figure over the years and especially this last year I have been dealing

You figure over the years and especially this last year I have been dealing with: Constant headaches so severe that a migraine is a piece of cake. Dropping things. Losing strength in arms, hands, .and legs. pain in neck,head,shoulder,arms,legs,feet. Numbness,stinging,burning,glasscutting sensation. Electrical shocks. Nausea, vomiting, Vertigo. Tripping over myself. Falling down stairs and losing balance.. bowel/urine issues. These are just some of symptoms that have progressed and worse over time but gotten so severe that now my spinal cord is flattened and I have severe stenosis in my neck which I don’t have room for my spinal cord. If this surgery does well and there aren’t any other findings and if it goes as well as projected and the healing then I will be able to almost if not all fully regain everything back and then I won’t have to worry about losing full mobility to come.

You hear it many times when you’re a parent and especially when you work and go to school you don’t have time to rest or do anything for you. Well, apparently you do. Because your body will let you know. HEY! You’re going to rest ! So I’m trying to listen to my body. It’s okay to get help. It’s okay to rest. Life is to be enjoyed not be misreable. That’s where you make changes. Just as I said before about my beliefs, we all have passions and beliefs so do what makes you happy. Don’t do what makes someone else happy. We don’t live on someone elses talents, strength, and desires. We have our agency for everything. Just because I believe in God and I’m a ‘Mormon’ doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. Just because I like singing and writing and playing piano but I don’t know how to surf doesn’t mean I’m not loved and not fun to hang out with. We are all unique and different. That is why I love who I am. I love how I’m learning and growing. I love how I’m supporting others in all their dreams. I love explaining how I feel and reading or hearing how they feel. That’s what makes us so great and important. If we were all the same and had the same attitude..I think life would be miserable. So go for what you desire. Make room to experience others’ passions. Don’t exclude others because they look or believe or like different things. There isn’t one perfect talent. There isn’t one perfect religion. There isn’t one perfect ethnic group. We are different but should be loved the same.

I personally want to remain in the days of happiness. If you are religious you would know that even our Savior suffered greatly and he had his days. It’s okay to mourn. It’s okay to let lose. All in a constructive way too. Not destructive. And personally, try not make decisions like going packing your bags and want to move to the island all by yourself. I mean what good would that do? I would love to visit but stay? and have no family there? Ya! I would really be tired of myself then lol.

I have found besides prayer. Service is good too. If you help others in your time of need no matter how big or small , it really has a way of helping you. Not to mention as the saying goes and I don’t know who said this but You are placed in others lives for a reason as they are put into your lives. No matter how or why they are there, it’s a purpose for all things.

So no matter how hateful and rude I’ve been and yes I do repent and I’m sorry. We’re not perfect, we can’t make others understand your trials or feel your pain. What we should do is appreciate their advice, service, or just being there. So last couple days I’ve been really trying to change my attitude for the better. To realize what is going on and to just keep moving on. I know how life can be without happiness and I know how life can be with happiness even at all times.

I’m grateful to get answers and so here is my status.

UPDATE: I know some of you are anxious to hear lol.Whew! What a day. So I talked with the neurosurgeon and the nurse practitioner and they basically showed me my MRI and X-rays. WOW! between c3 thru c7, my spinal cord is Flattened. Usually, they want room between 8- 10mm for spinal cord he says but from the c3 down to c7 it’s flattened and I have like 5mm or less something like that. No room It’s getting worse. Which is why I have all these weird symptoms.
Basically, they put it in these terms:
Severe Cervical and foraminal stenosis -C3-C7
2 Herniated discs at – C5/C6 and C6-C7

My surgery date is July 14th. They are booked all the way through September. So I’m blessed with that date. And of course, if there is a cancellation I’ll be moved up as soon as they get me in. they will do an Anterior cervical discectomy and fusion. If he needs to do something else he will, depends on what he finds during it. He will take both discs out and replace with bone graft or whatever he sees fit. He’s a great doc and I feel confident. he isn’t waiting til later. He wants it done asap. I will go do more blood work, EKG, and other tests before my surgery date. I can’t wait til all this is over lol.


So if whoever has been following and commenting and praying and just being there for me thank you so very much! I know that sometimes we need to take time for ourselves and that is what I’ve been doing. So if you don’t see posts everyday you know why. That my friend is just what I need. I hope you stay encourage. I hope you find the help and love you need in your life. May you continue to smile even when it’s the worse. Because smiling helps with the attitude changing. That helps with keeping your heart softened. We all need to enjoy life. We need to take care of ourselves and each other too. Always pay it forward no matter how big or small! Keep going forward and work on those talents. For that really helps in times you need them the most. All the best~Til next time ❤ Jackie


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