Happy Weekend! Happy June. June is a special month for me. On June 7, 1983, My twin Charity and I came into this world. So  I’ll do that special post-Wed.

June 21, 2014, I went to Nashville Tennessee Temple and got my Endowment Out. Then I moved from Tennessee to Ohio. I never ever thought I’d move here or out of Tennessee.  Always wanted to be in mountains in a log cabin with wrap around porch and sitting with my love on the porch and our family all together. One day huh? As long as you are with ones you love that’s what matters.

Then June 28th, 2014 I married my 3rd and truly last one ever. This I mean because you just know. When your heart was being healed the Lord knew who to put in your life. Even when you hated men Lol. I’m glad he did. Because even though it’s been a hell of a rollercoaster, it still worth every moment. Plus I got a cute red curly hair step 6-year-old girl. And a handsome,step 17-year-old young man. So I claim them as mine . And it’s truly happiness.

I always make plans or dream up what I want to do like finally take a honeymoon to Hawaii. Or a trip somewhere or whatever.  I already posted about my birthday wishes. I’ll be 34. I truly believe you learn a lot.
Above link is where I love to sing. I’ll make that CD one day. I love music and I love writing. I love inspiring and supporting others. We all matter. So I wanted to shine little love to myself and this is why

We all have trials! Sometimes it’s so hard that we don’t understand ourselves. My passions are singing and writing. I’ve always leaned on that since I was little. It has been my outlet for expressing my feelings. Now I am doing this personal progress but this blog has turned into more. I’ve found that if I don’t make time for the things I love and enjoy, it can get bad. It’s those times.

Lately, if you’ve been following I had more of positive uplifting blog posts. I just post what’s on my mind and in my heart. So this is in my mind and heart now. Life isn’t always great.No need to sugar coat it or think I have to be positive all the time. This is me. This is real. This is life. So I hope you can find yourself too.

I just have to get my heart back to being softened. As I do talk to text this post because my hands giving out and my pain I feel brings tears to my eyes. I want first off to say that I’m truly sorry for all the unnecessary rudeness these past couple week. No excuses. We all are in charge of our attitudes. We are all in charge of how we take things too. That is both of us. So if you took offense or I’ve taken offense, we got to learn to have respect for opinions but also forgive and love and keep going.

I’ve been trying to find myself again.I had come off a few weeks ago from medicines which are antidepressants that were prescribe to help with my nausea and sleep and my nerve pain but as the dosage was added more I was getting , symptoms got worse. It was not helping and it was about $100 a month so I stopped. Finally, found out what I’m dealing with in my head/neck/and etc is why I’ll be having surgery. When you stop certain medicines especially the antidepressant medicines it can cause mental and physical symptoms and changes. Trust me it can earn a huge capital B to the word that you replace a W in Witch! I’ll leave it at that. I didn’t care who you were or who you are. If you looked, said, or showed any rudeness, or smart comment I was eating your words and spitting you out. I strongly suggest to really find your passions and lean on that or support for help. It’s not a fun ride alone. Especially when you are stubborn (like myself ) and rather give love and support than to receive it. You just have that big of heart. Then when you realize what you’ve done, made you feel even worse.

I continue to move forward even with a hardened heart and I didn’t like where I was going. So last few days it got little better. Then I was doubting. Which led to losing faith. Then I just kept getting frustrated and overwhelmed. Which I should’ve done more singing and writing then lol. Not wait til now when things got little better and after you talked to family,friends,and whoever you trust to cry and vent on and then go to praying and crying. Which led you to sing and finishing this blog you started from the beginning this morning lol.

I look to You ~



We’re not perfect. What hurts the most is I doubt myself and my strength and my talents and my beauty that I get in this rut and I hear people cussing me. I hear rude people. Some may say hurtful things or accuse you of self- pity and attention seeker.  You’re already feeling like crap so listening whether it’s family, friends or whoever that’s negative is awful.Instead of listening to those that love you and are there supporting you, praying for you and serving you. You push those aside and rather hang to the more ‘drama’ hurtful things. How dumb is that? How often do you think we all do that? it’s easier huh? and yes definitely Satan is on this side of you just laughing and trying to pull you in. The more you gain strength, the harder the Adversary works. Not only through physically, mentally,or spiritually, he will use anything or anyone to get you to bow down to him. Making it seem hopeless and you don’t need to go any further.

You can believe it or not but he is real and he is stronger than ever to break apart relationships,family,lives, friends, and whatever resource he will use. If it makes you happy temporarily or makes disruption in your life, then hold on because that lasso of a rope he has just caught you and he’s trying to tug you in. You must be that bull and snatch that son of a gun off your head or break that rope and go full force. The only way I know how is asking for forgiveness. Not only that but softening your heart. Asking for help. Swallowing that pride. Being grateful for what you do have and that prayers are answered and that when there are trouble times or even good time to always know there is someone waiting to listen.

Yes, You’ll be reminded several times in your life of this. It’s up to you to keep going down misery lane and pull others with you. Or you find yourself and you hold on tight.You go be with those that are on your side always. Those that will uplift you and carry you and walk beside you. Be of service and comfort to others so you can lean on each other for strength.I know I don’t want Satan to win. I don’t care how many years I cry. I don’t care how much pain or symptoms and side effects I endure. I will not now or ever bow down to someone that is more miserable than me. I will not go that way. If I fall then by golly I best hurry it up and fix things because that’s not who I am.

It takes work daily. Every second. It takes faith. It takes strength. It takes desires. So no matter the blood,sweat and tears I know who my master is and my Savior is and I will not subject to that evilness. I will keep going and I will be stronger than ever because this is my trial. My trial that I personally must face. I must face it and I must not give up. I am speaking this into the microphone. It’s so real! IT’S SO POWERFUL. I HAVE SO MUCH PASSION. I HAVE SO MUCH WILL POWER. My husband came up the stairs and thought I was on the phone yelling at someone. In tears, I told him ‘I’m just very passionate and I’m having that moment of realizing who I am’. I was willing! Willing to listen. Willing to receive! Yes, it’s going to get harder. It will get tougher. But by golly. I’m getting stronger. As Elder Holland said ‘ Don’t you quit! You keep going! ” and for you all .. YOU KEEP GOING! YOU DON’T QUIT. YOU KEEP BEING THAT BULL AND BREAK LOSE AND FIND YOURSELF. YOUR DREAMS. YOUR TALENTS. IT’S YOUR LIFE. YOUR TRIALS ONLY YOU CAN DO IT!

Must not let that wedge to be open so that adversary get through. He will come in because he will find anyone or anything possible to squeeze in. The more he gets the more you get down. The more people you hurt or hurt you he’s smiling.More he wins the more he smiles and that is the worst thing I want to even see. I better make others smile more including myself because that brings so much beauty. I spent a lot of time wearing braces and taking care of my teeth you bet I want to keep my good looking smile! LOL.I will not bow down.I will rise above. I will keep going and I will submit to my Heavenly Father! My Savior! The one and only who died. Who suffered so greatly for me and for everyone whether you believe it or not .I am a beautiful, intelligent, trustworthy, honest, talented, amazing, and strong DAUGHTER OF GOD. I will not let anything come into changing the truth about me. You should never do that either.

I will break through this hell and I will merge on top. I will cry on top of the highest mountain ‘I HAVE ENDURED! I HAVE DONE ALL THAT I WAS ASKED TO DO! I DIDN’T GIVE UP! EVEN WHEN I HIT CLOSE TO THAT BOTTOMLESS PIT, I GOT SUCKED BACK UP AND DIDN’T BACK DOWN. I AM HERE AND WILL ALWAYS TRY TO REMAIN TRUE. I will keep enduring and I will not give up my faith. I swear I’m going to the top Kingdom of glory and my family is going with me and whether you want to be there  or not, you just keep getting back on that horse you ride to that beautiful sunset because I’m telling you my heart is being purified again and I’m being forgiven again and I’m finding that peace again. I don’t want you to drown and give up. So if you want to go to glory with me then so be it. I will not leave you behind. I Don’t know what you face if you read this. I don’t know your beliefs. I don’t know your heart. But I do know we all have our trials and we are all loved and children of God.  Just find you! You lost you, you find it again and you keep going!

I’m finding Jackie ! so yes the spotlight Friday is for me because I came in this world beautiful and an amazing and I’m leaving this world even if it’s when I’m 190 years old I’m leaving this world when my time comes and I’m not going to push to leave it early. I’m not going to suffer more physically symptoms if I don’t have too. I’m going to enjoy life even in the hardest of times. Because YES! I DO BELIEVE! DO KNOW! DO SEE! DO FEEL! THERE IS LIGHT AT EVERY TUNNEL! THERE IS A SAVIOR Waiting for you! You must look up! You must feel light in the darkest moments. Remember who you are. You don’t give up! You are who you are! I’m going to get those prayers answered and whatever is to be will be!I suck it up! I accept! I move on!I strengthen my family and my friends and those that need it and I keep everyone and I hope that everyone of you does the same for we all need help or need that push. I’m not kidding. You swallow that pride! Because there is nothing beautiful about pridefulness and hardened hearts. Be a support to all you can. Love everyone ! We all chose to be here together. So learn to live with each other.

I don’t care how many times I have to be reminded or read this post. I know I am remarkable just as you are. No need to change that! BE YOURSELF! YOU’RE INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, TALENTED, all you AND JUST AN AWESOME CHILD OF all you get down, I don’t care how long it takes or how much crying and anger you got you get that help. If you don’t pray you start! YOU GET RIGHT BACK UP AND YOU SHINE!

I can only imagine ~

the song I sang and cried through. I didn’t care. Good song to close this night with.

All the best! Keep trying! Keep  shining !  Simple words that I received after my prayer ; Be happy! All will be okay! Don’t you worry.  So if those words from sweet spirit can help you .. then I pray it can too! ~ til next time ~ with love ~ JACKIE


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