HAPPY 3 YEAR ANNIVERSARY BABE~PART 1 ~THE BEGINNING <3

Okay so here is the story how Chris and I met. 

 It started as a lonely, dark night (just kidding hahaha )…Okay, so anyways I was dealing with finding a place, my health and finding work. I had yet again gone through another divorce but we won’t go into that.That part is over in my life.So I was feeling lonely, hating men , and just wanting to hang out with someone.You know not DATE! oh no! I was like men are scum, I let myself go , blah blah blah.I was swelled up like big time. I will show you the pic! 

This was when I had gotten out of the hospital for a week with over 13 meds, breathing medicine,etc..They said something was failing and don’t know what, When I found out about my heart, retaining, kidney stuff..Anyways a bunch of issues and I got off all that meds…too much.  NO OFFENSE BUT IM NOT A TEST RAT! 

So anyways I have been dealing with a lot and was very very very unhappy, sad, at my lowest and felt so alone.I didn’t want to tell my family, close friends, or the church anything because I felt so ashamed I failed again in a marriage.I was working odd jobs from home and I was swelling up like an Oompa lumpa…I started singing on a site with sing snap and became an admin on there.That really helped me when I was going through so much earlier that year.But it didn’t fill the void of being lonely and wanting to talk to someone that understood.I have been through so much in my lifetime (and I won’t get into that) but I have overcome so much and made me stronger.I just wanted a real person in front of me to just hold me, hug me, love me, comfort me, and make me the happiest person.I wanted so bad for someone to show me a life and to explore things with and have that love,passion, and understanding.Have a great life, family life,makeup when you have disagreements. I was tired of all the drama, the not being able to visit family/friends, and feel the spirit when coming home from church.So much I had wanted for over 12 years in my 2 marriages and never got .Was I selfish??NO! I devoted my life to 2 men and their families and I thought it was love and that one day I would go to the temple and live forever with them.Well, guess what???? It didn’t happen..You can’t change someone, you have to deal with the choices you made and because I failed I got lower in myself.I had no energy, no life, no desires , and all I did was pray,pray, and pray some more.

I never stopped believing in my Heavenly Father.If it wasn’t for him and Jesus I wouldn’t be here today.I would’ve probably just died from a broken shattered heart.Not once did I want to take my life.I wanted to keep going , but I needed help. I needed a push.Why did I want to bother my family and friends??They all had a life and their own struggles.To me, I was lead that they never cared, never came around and always thought I couldn’t do nothing right..Couldn’t have, did, or keep nothing as I heard it and so I started believing in..Wrong thing! My family has and always loved me and always will and stood by me, prayed for me.This is what the adversary is really good at.He is really good at getting you when you are down and pulling you down even more.Trying to get you to stop believing.Well, i stopped in myself but I always believed in God!I ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL. Nothing and no one would get me to deny that.My faith continued to grow and I started seeing a will power.

When it was October, I was still packing up because I would be moving to my new place before Thanksgiving.I felt really alone and the singing site where I was helping admin, it was great but I wanted to have people in front of me and that I can physically see in person than on cam. I wanted to go out and do things and just relax and find my perks again so I can start doing everything I wanted to do.I even have a bucket list and I so want to experience it all. I have found also that many people hurt me, lied to me, and used me.I was very cautious in accepting anyone to be my friend.You could look at me wrong and I would cry. I tried putting on this oh I’m strong face!It didn’t work.I needed a friend.I needed to be loved and not pushed and let me blab and go on and it was my time.My time to shine and run to someone when I was down,upset,happy, or have exciting news.But where??? I was still in Crossville Tn. My parents an hour away and my family scattered all over.Where would I go??? I was broke, had nothing, and just not in great shape.

Well, i had a conversation with one of my brothers, his wife, and my twin.They had mentioned about going online to one of the church sites like LDS planet or LDS singles..I forgot which one.Since my ward, there wasn’t many my age (No offense lol ) I just wanted to hang with those around in their 30’s you know???So I could get out and have a life..last 12 years I was more of a hermit, working, sick,surgeries, CNA work, caregiver, doing this or that for others.Being on a semi half my marriage and doing whatever for others.I don’t mind helping don’t get me wrong..I just didn’t have a life.I was kind of like Eh??? I’ve done that online thing where you talk to people and set up.I never have done the ‘dating” thing neither…When I got married I thought it was love…cuz I hung out with a bunch of people.So to actually meet people and hang out it was scary.

For me, I didn’t want to meet someone and be like oh ya! Let’s date and then get married.Remember my heart was hurt and I was very upset and not trusting anyone.But I like to try new things.Since the sources came from family members I trust, I figured why not?? They found their love of their life doing that.Well, i research some online.I am very resourceful and love researching and asking ????? a lot of them.I get excited when I don’t’ know what is going on and I try to find many things out.I guess I could be a good detective or something…Anyways back on subject.(I  tend to do that too and go back to what I was talking about..lol) 

Well, i made a profile.Yes, it was all legit one with honest answers.I didn’t have any pictures of me and i never really took any but scenery last 12 yrs.So i started dressing nice and trying to look pretty and posted some pics.I still was not happy that I was so big and just not feeling pretty at all.I talked to many people on the sites.I would scope out profiles, more around where I live and I enjoyed meeting new people.But I didn’t open up at all much.I just started getting a feel of what was going on.I met some really nice guys and yes I met a bunch of creeps.Some which this is so funny…SAYS TEMPLE WORTHY, RECOMMEND..and then wants to private video chat and let me show them, my privates..(excuse me???I am working on my endowment and I KNOW for a fact that wouldn’t be well anyways I thought it was gross and well wasn’t in the mood so I was like yep! that killed it.I mean I’m not looking for sex or anything I can care less about all that and didn’t care in the marriages (Just being honest…when you been hurt so much in your life and down nothing really matters and that sure didn’t.Many said a lot of things that hurt me, but when you didn’t live with me or come around me, how would you know???Its true you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors..but really you don’t know what goes on inside someone’s heart or mind. ..I wanted to meet new people, hang out and make friends..(true friends) I have many associates.

Well, then I just didn’t pay much attention to the sites and gave up really and felt poor Jackie blah blah blah…Then (musicccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc) …..Chris came about! His screen name was Tennhallsomething…I can’t remember (that pic at the top of the page of him..was from his profile.He is hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwt!TO me anyways .. I was like wow he is good looking,but I was like not a chance to even talk..I thought he was living in Tennessee or plays tennis or something lol ..Come to find out he lives in Ohio and since he was little always wanted to move to Tennessee.He always came and hiked in the Smokies etcc..Well, we sent couple messages.He really liked my smile.I decided to talk to him on the phone and well we talked till the next morning.He seemed so shy and I was shy but then just spilled my guts to him..(i know right???? JUST LET IT RIP! .. I told him my feelings, wants,dreams,desires,my hurts…well not all of it..just little what was going on …and you know what he did?????? HE LISTENED! ..That made me want to talk to him more and not hang up..for once I met a guy to actually listen and respond and actually talk to me..wow! 

Of course, i had this feeling ..oh he is a smooth talker, just like every other guy, ya ya ya…etc negative things..because I was negative a lot..Well, we continued to talk .day after day and turned into weeks…he helped support me on my singing.he even put my phone account on his account to keep talking (how wonderful was that?? ..We talked about so many things and how his marriages went (2) and I had (2) ..so we were yes, 2 peasin a pod…We want the same thing log cabin in the mountains…we want to experience so many things like camping on the beach, family vacations,I wanted to eat Chinese from a box watching movies.We want to do picnics, and watch the stars, and go to the beach and watch sunset and sunrise,,hiking,fishing, taking kids to Disneyworld etc..just things you never experienced and want to.The list goes on and on ..We found that we like the same foods, some movies.NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUSIC REALLY..well maybe some but oh my goodness..he likes some music I never even heard of and won’t listen to hahaha..But that’s a good thing.I don’t want him to be or do everything like me.Boring.

So we just talked and talked and texted to.We found that since that day talking we clicked so much we gave up on meeting anyone else.So we started to form a friendship.We had really really deep conversations about life, our marriages, family, and our testimonies..I won’t share that because it’s personal and that’s what grew our relationship into love.He lives in Ohio and me in Tennessee.So we had to talk a lot on the text and phone.Well, he is so old fashion I had to teach him about video chatting ..Instead of saying CALL ME MAYBE.. we would say Chat me, baby! .So basically all this was happening so natural and many times we would say .we ain’t going to do this or that or rush and I’m not dating and blah blah blah.Well, guess what???? It wasn’t up to us.We have been fasting, praying etc for a lot of things I for one was praying that if I met someone the Lord would have to show me him because I don’t want to get hurt ever again and waste my time and give my heart up for another shattered mistake.Well, Chris started to fall for me, Which I told him he would.Must be my smile:) I was very defensive too..I would push him away a lot ..and laugh and be like you so lying , blah blah blah, when he would compliment me on my looks or sing etc..Chris is just a gentleman..He always looked out for my feelings and he still does.I can’t put into words what he does…He is great.

Chris sent me 2 dozens roses and little note that says I’m wonderful, and just wanted to make me smile.wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww

WHO DOES THIS???? never in my life has that happened…and wow..just to make me smile??? I had just moved in my place and it was November….I forgot to mention we met on Chris’s birthday ..October 17th…Imagine that?? 

Anyways…well we kept talking day after day, hours after hours (different times of days…For the church, i don’t know what I would do this.I would send pics to him and post on facebook me dressed up and with makeup on..Anyone who knows me , know I’m a tomboy.Well, guess what..I love looking pretty too.It helped with my confidence.My weight started to go off too.My first picture I posted next to him was when I was moved in and  headed to church.Big difference.

Well, we went to snail mail and sent a couple things regular mail,emailing, texting,calling, and now video chatting.Since he was like 5hrs from me this was the best thing.Plus I wasn’t ready to meet him yet.Weeks had passed and we were feeling like high school couples ..yet we weren’t labeling ourselves as couples.We weren’t ready and I kept praying please don’t let him rush me, I know he is starting to fall for me but I’m not ready and I’m getting married in the temple and it will be my last marriage 50 yrs from now.You know you say things a lot like that when you are hurt..yet somehow heavenly father says..Nope, this is what I want you to do.And somehow you get brought closer to each other.Between me getting sick a lot and working a lot and stressing like crazy,Chris would always find a way to make me smile,laugh, and just feel good.He would pray for me while on the phone or video chat.He even told his family about me and they were kind of excited…I told some of my family and they were happy but worried.Do you blame them?? We both had 2 marriages that weren’t good and our families were just protective of that.They want what’s best and doesn’t want to see us hurt.Well, i didn’t want that neither..Chris didn’t either.I got to find out he writes poems, draws and it was really neat.I got to start doing family home evening with him and his son Gavin.Gavin is Chris’s son who is 14 yet he is like over 6 feet tall.He is such a wonderful guy and so sweet especially when he prays.He has had a hard life and it will be great to help Chris in giving him what he needs and help teach and prepare him for life to come.Chris also has a daughter Savannah. Oh, my! She is a cutie.She is 2yrs old and will be 3 on the 28th of March.She really is special and she was like Daddy is that mommy??NO, it’s Jackie…Who is Jackie??She’s a friend…I want to talk to Jackie..(this was during Christmas.She has the cutest, sweetest voice.She was like Hi Jackie, where is Santa?? and etc..oh I fell in love.

Well our feelings kept getting stronger and we kept saying we need to meet sometime, and my dad was like yep you need to date and etc…meet and etc We had several spiritual moments and revelations between us personally and together and his parents had couple things that were revealed we would be together.As it is personal and won’t go in detail.Let’s just say we knew then that we would be getting married and we were meant for each other..With the prayers, our personal blessings, etc it was without a doubt answers that we have been praying for our whole life.I was like wow! really?? how can this be??? Chris had told me he had loved me and week or so I think i told him the same.I was fighting my feelings as I was so rude and guarded up it wasn’t funny.I made him cry literally because I was so rude.All he was doing was treating me with respect, love, and showing me that he really cared.I didn’t know what that was.And I was experiencing for real for the very first time what real true love was.

We decided to make it ‘FACEBOOK OFFICAL” we were a couple.We aren’t the type that says you talk this long, get together, date this long, engage this long, and then get married.We wanted things to just happen naturally and well they did ..so we got ‘together

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