Hello All ! I want to say I truly appreciate all those that take a moment and write me or comment. It means a lot that I inspire you. You inspire me to keep going. I know this isn’t a “popular” site. But really what is ? I write to feel better about myself and to help understand life. Lately I haven’t been keeping up because it just got way too busy,painful,and crazy. So much going on with work,personal life,finishing my college courses to transfer credits to byu Idaho online and start on my bachelors  in September.  Meanwhile I have surgery with neurosurgeon July 14th.  Oh you bet I’ll blog about my experience and recovery lol. But when I’m able . I wanted to say thanks though as if I can help one person then that makes me so happy. I truly have concern for all no matter what. I just may not express enough. I just write when my mind and heart let’s me. (Or when I’m able lol)

Happy 4th of July too. If you see in previous posts you would see the poems I wrote for the veteran and military. I truly appreciate our freedom. I truly support all then and now and my family and friends that help guide,direct,support,care and protect our beautiful country. So whether you are in the military or was.  Or those that have passed on or about too, THANK YOU.  Not just for the 4th but always. You’re in my mind and heart and those you leave behind. 

Also thank you to all those that help protect and all businesses and rescue squads and well BASICALLY EVERYONE. Why do I say everyone? Because we all play apart in each other’s lives near or far. We all have talents. We all have ways to help and I just appreciate others and want others to know you’re so loved and appreciated even if you never hear it. So I hope it helps.

As for this post ,I have been so busy but you’ll find out I really try to make a point to let others know I appreciate them. Or send prayers,comments,return a call or whatever may be. So this post is like that. As I do have some of you reading on daily basis and for some reason it helps you alot in life. I wanted you to know that if I don’t post daily ,doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you. Other things are priority but this is important to me. It helps with my personal progress in using talents for others. Provide the internet with positivity and others with strength.  But also with me to help me have a better ATTITUDE. Just know whether this is here or not life goes on and I hope you can find your way to express and handle your life in a constructive manner as well.

I can’t stress enough that my attitude has sucked big time.  It’s not like I am unhappy or miserable in my life. Or I’m not counting my blessings . Its the stage that I’m overly hurting bad. My nerves through out my body are so messed up. Sleeping messed up. My numbness and shooting pain,tingling,electrical shocks are just so aggravating. The puking episodes,headaches,nausea, loss of trip, etcc. Despite I keep going. I’m just so physically and mentally tired. Yet i keep going . I want to go away with my husband and just have a week to ourselves so bad Lol.  and take that “beach ” honeymoon I’ve always dreamed of and just be lazy,relax,do the room sevice I never experienced and watch the sunrise and sunset at the beach. Stay up taking and laughing and just rekindle why a met. Forget EVERY thing else and focus on just us. That’s not bad to say. It’s actually healthy. Just hard to do with our schedules and life’s trials. 

Our 3 yr wedding anniversary passed. We both have been through the ringer in our previous marriages that I never got to go away and have that fun week and just focus on each other. When we got married I moved from Tennessee where I lived all my life and I’m 34 years old and now a ohioian lol (not buckeye fan lol.)Unless its the candy Lol. But basically my attitude sucks because see it’s not about gifts or going places or whatever ,it’s being together. With my job and school and his job as powerlineman we don’t get much time to talk. But we treasure what we have. Every Time we plan SOMETHING it messes up. We are so devoted to being parents and working that I know he wants to show me the world and have so much to offer and I the same. But if you only knew what we’ve had endured and enduring you’d really see what I mean lol but my attitude sucks because every minute I o h free I’m cleaning,or trying to return calls or cooking or attending to house,neighbors or crisis someone is having.  Or dealing with family stuff or whatever. When really I want to DO NOTHING LOL and just hug the ones I love and enjoy every waking moment I can and savor it. But yep that’s not life hahahah. You get what you can get. And that’s why I love writing or singing because I can get this all out lol and realize what is happening in my life and how to change my attitude.  Get it? I do πŸ™‚

So I learned to accept disappointments which that’s life lol. But for so many years of not doing things and saving and 8 surgeries ,2 bad marriages,other trials and because of choices I made or he made we had to suffer.Well that’s life . You get the consequences so I know I’ve really learned now. But attitude adjustments are the key. You must be willing and accept it is what it is and if it’s your doing you need to suck it up cupcake . So that’s what I try to do. Yes we are all human and we see what Our families and friends sometimes have,doing or etc and well hello ? NEVER COMPARE . Change attitude and be grateful theu are experiencing it. Because what you experience in life ,God has a purpose of when they happen.Why they happen. Where things happen.Who and what .  You may have to experience to learn or have that prayer answered. Or someone else is going to learn or receive their prayer or Desires answered. We all come in contact with each other and experience different things because theres s reason whether for others or ourselves. So having feelings such as jealousy,selfishness, and heartache,fights etc will just make you or someone else miss what important or what needs to plan out. Understand?  I do and that’s what matters ☺

So instead of being jealous I just get upset and I feel frustrated.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to just get away. I love being a parent . But I moved up here and married, and help parent a 3yr old and a 14 yr old. Work while hubby finished his schooling and found his dream job and then I of course have my schooling,health and work. And well kids are 6 and 17now. I enjoy it. I love being busy. I love being a mother and a wife and go to school. I love to shop for our first house.I just desire more which goes with attitude.

 I realize ATTITUDE really plays important role. I’ve had all these wishes and desires for so many years. I’ve had many disappointing times too. But when I get So upset on plans falling through I don’t see what is the reason. Already there is a roof over my head. I know my blessings and I know God knows I mean well. But why worry and care so much about your desires when there’s an amazing heavenly father there ALWAYS. And he knows you better than you truly know yourself. He knows your desires and help pave that way for what he feels be most important. Examples that have made sense and how important my attitude is changing not just with me but toward my husband, children,work, school,life ,church and etc… 

1) desire to be loved and needed (got a husband and 2 awesome kids when he felt  I needed it the most. Have a huge family and friends support team along with gospel. 

2) surgery -the date is around the time I finish with pathway and I will have a couple months break before starting school again ( hello? Answered prayer God knows best. Have time to rest when he feels it’s most needed) 

3) no car  ( I’m walking distance to pretty much where I need. Not able to afford yet  Lord helps with sending angels to help with what is needed such as rides,visits,etc because maybe you need to be company do someone else. Or the way you walk or where you go may have an impact on  some else. NOT ALWAYS ABOUT ME 

4)food,medicine,house,church,family,talents,phone,internet,job,everything else. Hello? Pretty much have all I need and desired as I have a home. Have a family and husband. A calling,medical attention,friends,talents,job,money,peace, happiness etc

So really it’s all there. So my desires are being answered. I’m experiencing life in all the good and the bad. It’s up to me . Only me to see that.  Just as in your own life . ATTITUDE IS SO IMPORTANT.  Dreams and desires are great. Trips and vacations and shopping sprees and own vehicle and whatever else that is fine to want and have. But choosing to have a bad attitude because plans change,or something happened,or “your desires” go on backburner is not acceptable.  Well to me anyway. Because my attitude affects my life,my heart,my spirit,my family,my choices,my dreams,my desires and it’s not anyone else’s fault. No one can be blamed for what happens. We are to blame only ourselves and our attitude and our choices. And if we choose to realize and wake up and change ,it will be more amazing. Because trust me,life is amazing and it sucks and it is a huge disappointment and full of happiness.  All together it’s what it should be. Yet how can we see that if our attitude isn’t where it needs to be? So I am loving how I check my attitude and usually it’s when I go to write and it all comes out. So why not write your desires. Talk about your dreams. Experience your moments within the time you can and share your talents,your testimony,your disappointments,your growth,your life and always know that you are more blessed and given so much more than you can ever comprehend. Because God knows your heart. He’s in charge. But not in charge of your free agency or attitude. You must realize it for yourself.

I’m grateful to do this post. I’m grateful to talk and it spells it out lol  due to my frustration with the issues with my health using my hands sometimes . I’m grateful I have dreams and desires and they are for the good and good reasons. It shows I care and I want what’s best. But I can’t keep going on with a horrible attitude. I’m not saying I will be perfect now. Lol. Because I have my days. But what a blessing to look back and see how attitudes affect EVERY part of your life and how much growth you are doing.

I know there will be trips. There will be financial security to come. Other desires ahead will be shown and produced. I know the trying times that we are facing are due to choices we have made,someone else had made or just there. Can’t spend time blaming,wishing for more,or giving up. Can’t use your time to yell,get mad,or complain when you have only so much time with those you love or by yourself each day. You choose. 

Just know if you’re not happy or where you need to be,get situated and adjust your attitude. I promise it will get better. You will be more alert. Rest better. Think better. Care more. Desire more and help more. After All the world isn’t about what you can get,see ,have,do or experience.  It’s how you handle,appreciate, serve,learn,grow and help others and work on your attitude with love of yes! gratitude in all circumstances.  Enjoy your time. Enjoy your life and always know there is someone who knows whats best,you must see on your own. Always Someone else who is in need do help ❀  All the best ~Jackie 


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