THE MANY FEELS I’M HAVING AND SINGING THROUGH IT ALL :) :)

HEY EVERYONE! Today is my day off from work. Which my days off are Wednesday and Sunday’s. So I try to play catch up with helping others, family time, house work, school and whatever else needs to be done. I cherish all the time I can. I try to be a week ahead in school between calls at work or break from work or down time when I can’t sleep. Which lately that’s been a big issue. Due to some back issues. But all is well. I keep going. We’re trying to buy our first house too. So that’s been a big emotional rollercoaster ha-ha. That’s life though. You got to find humor and just love it. Just love life and keep smiling and being grateful and whatever happens. Life gives you more chances and even better. 🙂 So will see how it goes!

Amongst a lot of things going on in the world that I physically can’t be there for everyone. So I do what I can even if it’s just a prayer,poem,call,letter,message,donation or whatever the case may be. I know that my heart keeps growing and I just want everyone around the world to know they are loved. They are incredible,amazing,gifted,somebody,and that no matter what they face individually or as a family, country, or whatever the case may be, that they matter and they are thought of. Same with my husband, children,family, friends and those around me. I care so much about others, you don’t know how bad. Sometimes people think too much and that I get hurt a lot. Yet, I must forgive. I must keep showing compassion and love. After all that’s what I’ve been shown and continue to be shown since birth from parents,siblings,family,friends,gospel,and strangers.

I enjoyed celebrating with my husband and his parents yesterday for his birthday. I truly have an amazing man. He works so hard to provide and so grateful that when we both didn’t want a relationship, because of the previous marriages we had and the hurt, that the lord said NO! This is what I want so we got closer. Despite our challenges in our own life, we’ve come closer and closer. It’s so great. And when he’s gone restoring power as he so loves being a powerlineman, I know all is well and he’s doing awesome things. Just as he’s an amazing dad. Even though I’m not our beautiful son (17yrs) and daughter 6(yrs) mom. I’m still a mother and I love them. I respect that they will always love and cherish their mom. I respect they see them sometime and in future may be more. I respect that they will go to her more for decisions or their dad than me. But I love them as they are my own.

I’m grateful our son is a half credit from graduating. He is done with high school soon. And I’m so glad I could be there even if it’s just an extra mother figure saying I love and support you and along with his dad. Same with our daughter. She’s younger and she will continue to grow knowing that her father loves her so much and so do I. And that I’ll always continue to love and teach her along with her daddy and be a mother to her too. That I’ll never replace their mothers but I’ll have all the room in my heart for them forever. I respect their decisions and not force them to love me. One day they will see what impact I have on their life. Until then I’ll enjoy the blessings of being apart of their life and they are apart of my family . I’m surely blessed. That’s how you make it work and blend families together. Not with hate and judgement . You be there for your children ❤

Just as if any of you feel the same or are in situations , don’t be afraid to be a parent or loved one. Just care for as many people you can . God blesses you in a way that he sends you certain people in your life for a reason. So don’t turn those opportunities down. Show kindness,love,understanding,and compassion not just for children, your own family and friends but everyone. We all are children of God. We all need support and love.

I’m most grateful for my life. For the trials and challenges that make me stronger. For times I feel not great whether physically,emotionally,spiritually, or when I sing, write, as a mother,wife, or other callings. Yet, I’m reminded daily that I’m great as much as I think I am. That there’s always room for improvement but so much to show that I am amazing at whatever I am doing, because I’m doing it. To look above and forward at all I’ve accomplished and doing. That should show you as well. LOOK AT YOU! YOU’RE AMAZING. You don’t wait on someone to tell you that. Learn from your flaws. Love your mistakes and challenges, and embrace life with love and joy. Work through the pain and lean on all the gifts and each other to help each other through. Cherish your time with your family and friends and make time for strangers so they don’t feel lonely and unwanted.

In closing I just want to share some songs of me singing today. I sing because I feel . I sing because I love to express and sing the way I want too. I’m not perfect. No one is. Just as in my writing and other talents. Yet, I keep going. I have my dreams and passions. They will keep growing and coming out to serve and help others. I hope the same for you too. Love supporting others in their dreams and passions. You have them! Up to you to find them .

Just as I keep going in school and being a great wife and mother, daughter,friend, and servant. I’m most grateful for all that I’m given and so much more. That all will be well. Things happen for a reason and we may not always see that plan. But what we do during those times is what matters. So don’t waste it. Seek the joy! Seek the service. Embrace the gifts and talents and share among others. Leave no one behind. Follow and support and hope they do the same.

Enjoy the music ! Enjoy your life. All the best! Much love ~ Jackie

 

SONGBIRD ~ http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/ac75af2ab

WAYFARING STRANGER ~ http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/ac6d19eeb

AFTER THE GOLD RUSH ~ http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/af788bbeb

FREEDOM ~ http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/b38d86a6b

WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL ~ http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/b078a410b

 

Advertisements

HAVING HOPE AND FAITH DURING CHALLENGES <3

AMAZING GRACE (MY CHAINS ARE GONE ) ~ singing this.. So blessed! 🙂

http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/c9b1a6661

 

Hello Everyone! I hope you’re doing well in your life. May you know that I’ll post as often as I can. Life is sure busy though. I appreciate those that take time to still follow. I’m still doing well in school, work, as a mom and wife. Still enjoying my family and life. Working hard through my physical therapy. I’ll see my neurosurgeon on Nov 2nd. Appointment got moved. So I’ll know more about my Mri results on my back and how this post surgery on my neck has been doing. As always I try to keep on with my writing and singing. But my family life and school and work keeps me busy. That’s good though. Not too busy so you can’t enjoy life though right? Right! You got to enjoy and embrace life.

So, there’s a lot going on in my life, your life and life around us. There’s mentally, physically,financially, and other challenges that rise each day. Some may have more than one challenge come upon you. I just ask that you KEEP GOING. Nothing is more worth it in life than you. Only one of you. Try to keep the faith and hope. It’s hard, very very hard. I’ve had my share of horrible challenges that I just had enough. I still have my challenges. I’m not ashamed to say I have major depression and some anxiety. Not ashamed to say I have some physical issues. There’s a list of things I could give you that I don’t like. Yet, I rather tell you what I am doing and what I do right. I believe you should too.

You know what though? I’d be ashamed if I didn’t recognized what is going on in my life and doing something about it. We can’t make people understand. There may be peeps that still put you down or not include you for they feel you’re ”mental” or ”unsteady”. There may be peeps that think they are better than you and you’re not worth their time to notice. Many peeps may compare and tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. These can come from strangers,family,and friends. That is WRONG! Don’t let that stop you. Find to forgive. Find the love. Be yourself and serve and embrace the good. When you work on helping others, your problems seem so small. Yet, doesn’t mean you’re not worth being helped either. You seek that help and ask for help. Start small. It may be hard but you can do it. All will be well.

I am not ashamed to be on medicine to help my depression or having to take medicine for my physical issues.That’s life! But don’t let it consume you. You are better off doing things you enjoy and living life than to always know something is wrong and do nothing. That’s a waste for sure. I use my talents for the service of others and not to be shown to the world that I’m better. I use my challenges I’ve overcome or am overcoming to inspire and help others. I use my physical limitations or overweight or whatever it may be to help me endure more and I keep my hope and faith. That way I can be of service to others or show my children and family and friends that nothing can stop you but yourself.

So YOU CAN TOO. You are so beautiful and amazing just the way you are. Even with all your faults, challenges,and doubts. I can tell you all this til I’m blue in the face, and the only thing that matters is when you wake up and see it yourself. You are not crazy. You are not worthless. You are talented, beautiful,amazing,and priceless. What you deal with or have dealt with makes you even better and brighter. You inspire. Never let a chance that you have pass you by. You gain that hope and faith and you seize that moment and for the rest of your life. Your disabilities, illnesses,challenges,and other things is what is meant for you to LEARN, GROW,CONQUER,INSPIRE,AND ABOVE ALL LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF DESPITE ALL YOU FACE.

I still have my moments and doubts. I still have my tears and fears. I still have my ”not so good at singing,writing,etc”. Yet, I suck it up and have that moment and I keep going with hope and faith in myself. Hope and faith in God and knowing that there are reasons for everything that happens. Yes, some isn’t of your control. Some you didn’t even ask for. Doesn’t mean you should just stop and suffer the rest of your life and pity yourself and think you won’t get there or make this or do this because of this or what people say or how you’re treated. Because let me tell you , YOU CAN! Oh you can.! You do it one second at a time. You grab hold of all that strength that’s left in you and you rise and seek the help and support you need. You’re an inspiration for what you are going through , no matter what it is, it’s changing lives. You just can’t see that because you aren’t seeing it in you. YOU HAVE TO SEE IT AND FEEL IT AND KNOW IT IN YOU FIRST. Oh keep that hope and faith in you in all the bad. Blessings are waiting.

No amount of challenge,illness,or disability is worth you giving up and not moving on. No amount of criticism, abuse, neglect, not accepting, or other things are worth you not believing and loving yourself. You are way better than what you think you may become. WAY BETTER! I know that words are just words. But they mean something. You mean something. I mean something. PRICELESS! WORTH SO MUCH. Not WORTHLESS. Grab that hope and that faith and you keep rolling on. No matter how hard it is. No matter how challenging it can be. No matter if you feel no one cares or don’t understand. Because you have made it thus far. You have those gifts that need to be shared. You have a life that needs to inspire others in it. You have a chance or chances so don’t waste. Love yourself in all the good,bad and the ugly. In all the pain and sorrow. In all the times you want to give up. You know why? Because there is still hope and faith in yourself deep down inside. Otherwise you wouldn’t be who you are today.

GRAB THAT AND SHINE BABYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES! YOU SHINE ! Don’t worry of who isn’t commenting. Don’t worry if no one is listening. Don’t worry if knowing is showing up or seeing, laughing,smiling, or whatever the case maybe. Because I’ll tell you, they are and they will and you can’t see that unless you believe it first. YOU DO THAT! YOU SEE THAT IN YOU! Get your talents and rise above all challenges and figure out a way. If you stumble than you stumble and get back up. You keep that hope and faith and believe. Because GOD MADE YOU AND HE WANTS YOU TO SEE YOU AS HE KNOWS WHAT YOU CAN BECOME. Don’t lose faith in that. We’re all different for a reason because we all have something to offer.. Go find it .See your beauty and LOVE IT ALL ~

Much love ~ All the best~ Jackie

WHY I’M GRATEFUL EVEN DURING TRIALS? <3

Hello all that continues to read and support me. Thank you to all that are buying my books. It really does help so much. Not just because I get a dollar here and there after they get the rest lol. But it helps me grow and push me to do more. If I don’t write then I can’t help inspire and motivate others. I really do appreciate all my friends and family that support me and all of you that I’ve haven’t had the opportunity to meet. My prayers and love are always with you all each and everyday. With the world! So much is happening. Not only in my own life but your life and all around us. Which leads to my title Why I’m Grateful Even During Trials~ A friend awhile back couldn’t understand how I keep going and not just crumble and break. Not meaning in a bad way. With all the trials. So this is why I’m grateful.

I wake up and I see how blessed I am each day in all that is going on. I used to complain so much and be jealous that this person or that person was going there, or buying this, or having a vacation. It started getting me all depressed. I was tired of it. So I did something about it. First off I asked for forgiveness. My attitude really sucked . I seen the bad in everything and everyone around me. I was truly not happy. I wanted more. Well in order to get that you must change your ATTITUDE. So I worked on forgiving and softening my heart. I started taking time out for me in my writing and singing. Instead of being jealous of those around me, I started seeing the joy of the posts or messages. Started seeing how happy it made them. Started seeing they probably needed that more than I needed it. We never know what someone is going through. We should always be grateful for them. Our trials are not to be compared. Just as money, houses,jobs,family,skills,looks ,and well I could go on. You get the picture right?

When I’m depressed which I have fought depression since I was little and anxiety creeped up, I went to my doctor. I told him I had the drive still and I’m loving life but sometimes this takes over. He’s there to listen. I started a new depression pill. So far it’s helping. It’s not something to be ashamed of. You can’t help it. You just need to seek help before it gets worse. When I noticed that nothing was helping me, I knew I needed help. I prayed long and hard. I explained to my husband too. Trust me the adversary still tries to get at me. I’m not going to say that I have a ‘magic pill’. You can’t just take medicine and YAY! You’re just the best queen in the world. You have your moments. Why? Well because you’re human. You feel. But you have to work things out. You need to do your part. Clean your act up and attitude. We all have wants and desires. But they all come and go at different times. You have to experience things different from everyone else. Doesn’t mean you can’t and won’t get what you dream or desire. You will when it’s your time. Jealousy and acting out won’t help matters. Neither will holding grudges, arguing, refusing to help others, and list goes on. I’m not saying I’ve done all that or was, just giving examples.

Life has trials. Each day I try to see my blessings. Not just because of the horrible disasters. I was doing this before I got put on a depression pill too. I’m blessed because I have a husband that loves ALL OF ME. Even when I’m a jerk. I am the same with him. He’s so hardworking as a power lineman, father, husband,friend,and priesthood holder. I’m trying to be the same as a wife,mother,friend,ward missionary, student, and whatever else I choose to be. So why not be grateful for all that? I mean that’s what I always wanted right? YES! That’s what makes me happy right? YES! So why not be grateful ? So I do! I am. Each day. Just as with my health. I’m in physical therapy. It’s hard. I get bad headaches that last days and having plate and screws in my neck doesn’t help. Yet, I’m grateful. Why? Because I can have help with recovery. I can rest when needed in a bed. I can have medical doctors/medicines/specialists/ and whatever else  I need with that and all other trials of my health. You know that is such a blessing. So I’m grateful for that.

I’m grateful that my diabetes is under control. My A1c is still 6 or under for the past year. I can’t remember. It used to be almost a 10. Then went to 5.7 I believe . I’m grateful. Because of listening to the counsel of my physicians,family,friends, and those that love me, I managed myself well. I still want to lose like 40 more pounds. Which one day I’ll do it. Yet, I’m grateful. Grateful I have this trial. You may think WHY? Because it teaches me to be more careful with my body. Be more knowledgeable with my health. That way I can be of help to others in my life, such as my children. It’s hard at times. Exercising,watching what you eat, side effects, and so much more. Yet, it’s worth it when all that hard work pays off. You can’t just stop. It’s an ongoing process for the rest of your life.

I’m grateful for the back issues because not only am I in good hands with my physician and Neurosurgeon, I have a physical Therapist that is helping me learn and grow to help my back. I have a mri scheduled next week for it. From there when I see my Neurosurgeon, We’ll know what’s going on . Granted I’m not grateful with the pain, the tears, restless sleep, the numbness,spasms,shooting pain down my legs. The pain in my thighs,back,legs,feet,and glass sensations. So much going on and over time been getting worse. Sometimes it gets hard to walk at times. Just a simple step .You know what I do? I KEEP GOING. I grit my teeth and I keep going. Because I’m grateful. Grateful that while my physicians are working on what needs to be done, I can still manage and follow what they have me do. I have the assistance that I need. I’m grateful for that. Truly the support is wonderful and not many have that. I feel for them . If I continue to be grateful I’ll continue to work hard and one day be healed.

I’m grateful for work and school. Grateful to be able to have a job and help my family along with my spouse. So grateful to have technology to go to school online. That way I can be at home and still be a mother and wife. I’m grateful because I’m in my 2nd week and amongst all the trials and headache and just life, I’ve endured it. It’s hard! College is hard! Learning is fun though. I’m grateful to be able to do this. Working towards my Bachelor’s of Science in Marriage and Family Studies, I want to help others so much. I just have to keep working hard to get there. And working to finish my Young women’s personal progress. You just have to remember, just as I we’re all a WORK IN PROGRESS. That means you will continue to be and grow always and forever. There’s work to be done. There’s knowledge to be learned. Talents to express. Each other to love and support. Trials to conquer and endure. Tragedies that happen. But most important it’s life that needs to be loved, lived,endured,and be grateful with all seconds of it. You never know. You never know what happens that next second. Things change. You can’t stop it. You must learn to accept, grow, endure, learn, and appreciate. Or at least that’s what I’m doing or trying.

Life is beautiful and it’s hard. The trials you endure makes it more beautiful. For in my case, I life others up during my trials. For I make beautiful music by voice or keyboard and piano during life. My expressions through writing or art makes the world more beautiful in all circumstances. My heart feels more and loves more and appreciates more. It breaks just as a cocoon opens and beautiful butterfly comes out. We are that butterfly but we start over as the cocoon. Each time a new phase, a new trial or new change we keep changing. Should we just crumble and stop when things get hard? NO! We should be grateful because it turns to something much more beautiful in the end.

That’s why I’m grateful in my trials. No matter how hard it is. No matter how much I cry and I’m on my knees, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for all the beauty God gives me in this chance to live. I’ve come so far. It’s so amazing to look back and be grateful . Grateful in all that I have and all that I’m doing. Take a look at your life and see that. Truly. Not the trials or things you don’t have. Stop and look at what you have. What you feel. What you see and touch. Where you’re at. Where you’re going. Seriously , AMAZING! So proud of my willingness to keep going. To follow what my Savior would have me do. To lean on him at anytime. But with a open heart! TRULY WOW!

In the beauty of facing trials whether physically,emotionally,spiritually,financially, It’s there. I’m grateful for family and relationships. Grateful for talents and gifts. Grateful to support and love ALL PEOPLE. Oh  that’s my favorite part seeing so many shine. So right now, this moment, That’s why I’m grateful . My faith in God and myself and family and friends and life, keeps me going too. You got to have faith! Beauty is within the trials.. BE that beautiful butterfly. No matter how many times you have to hide back into a cocoon and blossom back out

Many prayers to all around the world and many thanks to all that helps around the world. May we all continue to love and support and help and not just in disasters. For we are all Children of God and we all need the love and support in many ways ~Much love ~Jackie